History
Causes
Whilst I can only guess at the possible causes of my anxiety, it is not really important. How I deal with the symptoms of the anxiety is what really matters.
However having said that, a number of things may have contributed to my disorder.
Bullying at school
Walking through a classroom door only to find "Boxer" waiting around the corner to punch me in the face as I walked into the classroom, or to have him throw rolled up maps with metal rods at me, led me to quickly learning some cute avoidance techniques.
Going home for dinner at lunchtime and walking back into the school yard just as the teacher was blowing his whistle to take us all back into our classes, meant I avoided being beaten up in the school playground during the lunchtime break. However one of the problems I have is that I live off my adrenalin, I only attend things which bother me at the very last moment. I hate waiting in the dentist's waiting room and I always arrive at the very last minute in the hope that I can go straight in to the dentist's chair. Was this a learned lesson from my school days? Possibly so!
Parents
My father was like a male dog and could not pass a public loo without going in. His words "You never know when you will get another chance to go" meant that I was dragged in to the public loo at each opportunity in order that I could last out until I next passed a public loo, or was back at home. Having done this from my early years, I was soon to discover whilst studying for my 'A' levels that if I went to the loo between each class, then I felt more emotionally comfortable about not feeling the need to go to the loo during class time.
Consequences
Attending my first job interview, no matter how many times I went to the loo prior to the interview itself, I was still presented with an overwhelming desire to go to the loo half-way through my interview. Since then I have hated going for interviews.
Sadly I feel my anxiety was a big contributory factor to my divorce. When you are unable to have visitors to your house without going into panic mode, becoming frightened and losing your temper with your wife because you felt she had invited those visitors into your abode, it does not bear well towards having a healthy relationship. In fact the anxiety contributed to me losing my temper needlessly on a number of occasions simply because I was unable to deal with the panic type emotions going through my mind.
I became a hermit, locked within the boundaries of my own fears and unable to cope with even the smallest of fears, I could not function on a normal level. Even going for a takeaway meal filled me with dread at the idea of standing at the counter to ask for my meal.
Somehow I needed to learn some coping techniques, in order to improve my lifestyle and reduce the disabling affect these anxieties were having on me.
Whilst I can only guess at the possible causes of my anxiety, it is not really important. How I deal with the symptoms of the anxiety is what really matters.
However having said that, a number of things may have contributed to my disorder.
Bullying at school
Walking through a classroom door only to find "Boxer" waiting around the corner to punch me in the face as I walked into the classroom, or to have him throw rolled up maps with metal rods at me, led me to quickly learning some cute avoidance techniques.
Going home for dinner at lunchtime and walking back into the school yard just as the teacher was blowing his whistle to take us all back into our classes, meant I avoided being beaten up in the school playground during the lunchtime break. However one of the problems I have is that I live off my adrenalin, I only attend things which bother me at the very last moment. I hate waiting in the dentist's waiting room and I always arrive at the very last minute in the hope that I can go straight in to the dentist's chair. Was this a learned lesson from my school days? Possibly so!
Parents
My father was like a male dog and could not pass a public loo without going in. His words "You never know when you will get another chance to go" meant that I was dragged in to the public loo at each opportunity in order that I could last out until I next passed a public loo, or was back at home. Having done this from my early years, I was soon to discover whilst studying for my 'A' levels that if I went to the loo between each class, then I felt more emotionally comfortable about not feeling the need to go to the loo during class time.
Consequences
Attending my first job interview, no matter how many times I went to the loo prior to the interview itself, I was still presented with an overwhelming desire to go to the loo half-way through my interview. Since then I have hated going for interviews.
Sadly I feel my anxiety was a big contributory factor to my divorce. When you are unable to have visitors to your house without going into panic mode, becoming frightened and losing your temper with your wife because you felt she had invited those visitors into your abode, it does not bear well towards having a healthy relationship. In fact the anxiety contributed to me losing my temper needlessly on a number of occasions simply because I was unable to deal with the panic type emotions going through my mind.
I became a hermit, locked within the boundaries of my own fears and unable to cope with even the smallest of fears, I could not function on a normal level. Even going for a takeaway meal filled me with dread at the idea of standing at the counter to ask for my meal.
Somehow I needed to learn some coping techniques, in order to improve my lifestyle and reduce the disabling affect these anxieties were having on me.